I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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