Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
