I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
