sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
