It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You are a genius and a whore.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
