I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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