you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
