So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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