Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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