when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
