Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
