saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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