definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
