I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Sober January is a disaster.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
