did you get engaged???
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
