Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
