I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
