Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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