is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
