need another drink. this is the easiest way
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
