Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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