Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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