I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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