I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
