worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
