matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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