someone threw a dead crab at me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
