I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
