I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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