she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
As shirtless as possible
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
