you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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