There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
