i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
