we're chasing vodka with high fives
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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