I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
