At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
