During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
