Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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