Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
