I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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