Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
