Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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