When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
