I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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