Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
