i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
