Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This baby is an asshole
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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