i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
