Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
