CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
