My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
