she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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