Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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