I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
