put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
