Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
