I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
