Operation Purity has been aborted
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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