So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
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High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?