i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
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Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.