Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell