he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?