Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
