Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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