the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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