I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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