shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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