when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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