I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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