spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
