At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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