Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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