There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
