I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize