I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize