Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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