I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
